Blazer: H&M | Shorts: H&M| Sports Bra: Target | Shoes: Shoe Box

We often hear talks about "fraudy" feelings. The ones you get when you decide to do something but in the doing your inner Negative Nancy starts to trigger the "I'm not qualified enough" or the "I'm not good enough" thoughts. At some point, we've all been there. And it sucks! But, there is an even more unpleasant fraudulent feeling that I want to address today, the ones that surface in the absence of the doing.

A few weeks ago during a conversation with my coach, Judz,  I stated that "I'm a blogger but I don't blog." Instantly, I realize how ridiculous this sounded. Is a person a driver without actually getting behind the wheel or a football player same, without actually hitting the field? Now, I know you might be thinking, "but you do have a blog." Here's the thing, at the very least our actions need to qualify our ownership of a craft, meaning if we make claim to carpentry then we need to frequently be shaping, building or whatever carpenters do with wood. And so based on my inconsistency and haphazard posting, I didn't feel as though I had earned enough stripes to claim blogging. Hence, the feelings of being a fraud.

Now, growing up I changed my dream career a few times; from ballerina or dancing back up for Chris Brown to becoming an entertainment lawyer to being a fashion marketer/merchandiser and then there is today's ambition of becoming a writer and travel blogger. What I'm trying to say is, I've never actually committed to anything before so I've never had to hold myself accountable to do anything at all. In spite of this, there was always strong desire or longing that I believe Phil Knight, founder of Nike, in his memoir Shoe Dog explained perfectly when he said:

"I had an aching sense that our time is short, shorter than we ever know, short as a morning run and I wanted mine to be meaningful. And purposeful. And creative. And important. Above all ...different. I wanted to leave a mark on the world. I wanted to win. No, that's not right. I simply didn't want to lose."

It might have taken me some time to realise but I now know for sure that writing is the medium through which I was ordained to leave a mark on this world. The dissonance, however, comes from Knight's other very famous words, "JUST DO IT."

Writing and by extension, blogging can be challenging at times. I love words but they don't always come easily and since everything I share represents me the likelihood of publishing something half-assed or not as close to my idea of perfect, simply won't happen. CUE THE OVERTHINKING. And then there is the fuss for imagery. Photoshoots when you suffer from acne and chronic awkwardness is usually a recipe for anxieties. Also, not always having a photographer at hand and asking your well-meaning but aesthetically challenged friends to use your iPhone to snap a few shots can be exhausting after the 100th try. The point is, there are some days I am completely discouraged and in Jamaican creole: Me cyaw bodda! (I can't be bothered).

Still, I can't shake this blogger bug. I remember listening to Gary Vaynerchuk rant about committing to the process and not the end game. He explained that no matter what we decide to do in life we must identify the pains that are associated with that decision as opposed to the gains. It is the pains that we are willing to live with that will determine what we reap. What I understood from this was that the things that made me uncomfortable/ annoyed/ demoralized about blogging were the very things that would give me the life I crave. Essentially, I have two choices: either do the thing or don't, i.e either commit to the pain of the process or the pain of future regret.
If you've ever read Paulo Coelho's Alchemist, it means becoming the baker or Santiago. Like Santiago, we can listen to our calling and pursue our dream unwaveringly. This might mean trekking the path less travelled and opening our world to vulnerability. But, we'll get to discover our strengths, develop new skills, build our resilience, experience a little magic, live our truth and later gain the treasures (and happiness) that life had been leading us towards.

Alternatively, we can stay exactly where we are now, in our comfort zone, dream but do nothing about it while playing it safe and committing to ease. How about taking no risks and absolutely ignore divinity because the unknown is scary and you need security, right? WRONG. As Coelho's anecdote of the baker exacts: the cookie cutter life is the most unfulfilled, even for a baker. (Please read this book! It's short, easy to read and filled with life lessons.)

With that said, I wrote this so you can know, I'm here to obey my calling aka commit to the process of being a writer and you're more than welcome to tag along on this journey. Also, I know there are a lot of people out there just like me, maybe even you,  making excuses about why they aren't doing their thing. Beg you, claim that craft. You're doing yourself and the world a great disservice by hiding your talents. As Luvvie Ajayi said in her TED talk about a completely unrelated topic:

"Comfort is overrated. Keeping things the way they've been is comfortable. And all comfort has done is maintain the status quo. So we've got to get comfortable with being uncomfortable."