At the beginning of 2020 I had set an intention to improve my relationship with my skin which was negatively impacting me in the self-love department. I was cancelling on friends, and when I did leave my house, I was caking on my makeup to cover as much of my insecurities as possible. I hated it. I hated my face. I hated that my body was betraying me daily, and honestly, frustration was my default mode. I wanted to go to the beach makeup-free or do the bare minimum in the mornings for work without worrying if coworkers or clients will be distracted by my acne flare-ups. I was also in a lot of pain all the time. I couldn’t even sleep with my face touching my pillow because it would be so inflamed that it was hyper-sensitive. And, don’t get me started about washing it during breakouts. It was REALLY BAD and truthfully, looking in the mirror was exponentially more painful than the physical ordeal. 

Now, I’m no stranger to acne as you would have read in my 2015 acne story blog post. I was first diagnosed with cystic acne in 2009, and since then, my journey has been a roller coaster, sometimes even more accurately a downward spiral. Recently, however, things have been progressive. Though my skin is far from perfect, I am conscious of the fact that it is a process, and I am being patient and grateful for where I am today. I’m learning as I go along and since I’m in a much better place I wanted to share my latest lessons in case there is anyone struggling as I have been: 

If it’s one thing I’ve learned from my struggle with acne it's trusting your body and your intuition. I went to the doctor this year more than I have all of my entire life (I generally never get sick). Since September/ October of last year however, my stress levels increased and I felt like my body was shutting down. I was barely productive at work and I just didn't feel like myself at all. My doctor said I just needed rest as she saw nothing wrong with me except that I should probably go on antidepressants to mellow out a bit -___-. I left it alone. But while I couldn’t quite understand what was happening inside of my body, I was absolutely clear that I couldn’t live with the condition of my skin, which at the time I was treating as a separate issue. 

In July 2020, I decided to bite the bullet and visit a dermatologist. If you’re thinking DUH, well, you’ve probably never had a dermatologist inject your cysts with steroids that left permanent holes on the same face she “accidentally” gave you a chemical peel on during an eczema flare up. A dermatologist who came highly recommended and was noted as one of the best. She was my third derm and I wasn’t loving these expensive and poor experiences so I pretty much gave up on dermatologists after that (2014). Also, every dermatologist I went to forced birth control or Accutane on me as the only solutions, even when I said no, and they provided no alternatives. While my acne was bad, I didn't think those extremes were right for me. Fast forward to July of this year when a close friend and then my god-father recommended the same dermatologists after seeing me really struggling, I decided to give this one a try. Thankfully he was able to get my skin back on the recovery track, plus he was also the first doctor to identify the actual underlying cause of my acne, PCOS (polycystic ovarian syndrome), which I was later diagnosed with in August by a Gyno [eventually I’ll share this revelation with you all]. I’ve had 3 sessions with this dermatologist but I have since switched to a medical aesthetician where I do monthly peels and facials for upkeep. I decided I no longer needed to see him since he too insisted that birth control and Accutane were the next phase of treatment.